+the nighthawk+`
i aint suppose to be feeling wad i'm feeling now. its just not right u see. my life is all good, i should be smiling and having fun. but den it din turn out that way. beneath all the pretentious smiles and laughter, life isnt as smooth as it seemingly is. its getting irritating. annoying. unpleasurable.
wads the point of having a blog when i cant commit myself to writing my innermost thoughts. everytime i write sth, i gotta think twice and see if it affects anyone who ever chance onto this dumbpage of mine. hence, the stuff i say here aint really how i feel. if this blog is really personal, everything will be much worse. for now, its just superficial.
nowadays i dun even like going out. although smtms i seem so desperate to get outta the hse, but when plans are finalised, i subconsciously yearn to back out and stay indoors. mostly because i wanna sleep, and also bcos of other reasons. other not-worth-mentioning reasons.
i'm being skeptical again. i dun wanna feel vulnerable and everything, i dun wanna even look the part. but its somewhat inevitable. friends. wad are they. hahas. i dun mean anything personal. but really. i feel like shutting away frm all of em. well, most of em. how i wish that i cld really get away sia. migrate or sth as stupid as that.
i really enjoyed that onewholeweek away frm singapore. it was awesome. it'll be even more perfect if my whole entire family moved away together. friends, i can visit em in the holidays if we do remain in contact. other than that, i think i need my family the most. i mean, lets be practical here. who do kids run to when they have cashflow problems, or any other adult issues. though we usually claim that we're responsible for ourselves, ultimately, the one who pulls the strings are our parents, no matter how much we want to break away.
church is just like a regular sunday thing. other den that i dun see wads so good. i dun even see how church can bring us to god. i talk and communicate to god in my own way. i know if he listens and all. but i dun go to church and feel his presence. i cant. i normally slp during sermons. hahas. but i do love god. really. in my own way of cos. other den that, i dun think i should comment anymore.
being uncouth and making mistakes are part of being human. even the smartasses of all time commits em as well. even if it wasnt intentional, its still a mistake. i believe that intelligent pple are usually naughty kids. they have the intelligence and the mindset that most of the goodytwoshoes dun possess. they can get away scotfree when they do sth wrong and all. its hard to explain though. go figure.
i really really do wanna shut myself away. i wanna go work. its not that i like being an adult and earning my own bread and butter, but going to work occupies most of my time. it tires me out after a long day and i usually just fall asleep. i dun needa care bout anything and i will naturally be excluded outta everything. with that, i have an excuse to be excused. smtms not being in a big crowd has it benefits too. maybe some of u haven realised that though.
the money u gain frm work is good too. the worst part is when ur parents decide not to give u ur allowance cos they think that u making ur own money is good enuff to support urself for that whole damn month. it stinks.
ohshoot. i left my rootbeerfloat on the table for like half an hour and when i'm back the whole cup is filled with ants. yucks. it goes to show that i've idled too long for my own good. hahas.
anyways. wad i've said was a lil of wad i felt just now. before mywifeandkids came on disneychannel a while ago. it rocks k. hahas. peace everyone. i'm off to bed.
