+its just for you+`
sth is wrong. i know it since long time ago. hahs. i used to dread it and hate it alot alot. but den as time pass by, it just seems so rightfully correct if things turns out this way. its like so meant to be? stupid.
from an everyday contact we became super distant. we've stop msgin and talking on the phone. now come to think bout it, i dunno why it happened. anyways, life goes on. you've got ur own group of friends and i've got mine own. yeaps. you seem to have more fun with your own cos prolly of the age and all.
u know the problems we used to have whereby everyone usually ends up being sad and all and after awhile everything will be okay stuff? its so common. i only have such stuff in my friendship with you. maybe just maybe its because i'm afraid to lose you as a friend. you're just different from the rest. special and unique and all. thats why i mind so damn much.
but den now even though things are liddat, i dun wanna bother much already. its so inevitable. i'm tired of it and i bet you really really are. like c'mon. even if we try back our old lifestyle like talkin on the phone, everyone ends up speechless. i try cooking up conversations, i bet you do too, but den it jus sorta ends afterawhile. the silence is rather sickening, it was so bad till i had to entertain myself with sth else which i dun normally do. blahs.
the friends you hang out with aint exactly the kinda pple i go with. you know wad i mean lar. thats sorta turns me off. pple might thing i'm jealous and all, but i dun think so. its just me. normally the pple i hang out with goes tightly in a group. we diss and love the same pple together. no differences dere. thats why with you its a lil different. but on another view, maybe i am jealous. but being jealous or wadeva aint right so i shant harp bout it.
sometimes when i see you, i rather not go talk to you. you're always with your close buds and if i do go talk to you, its like an intrusion. i hate being the extra one. and cause of that, i got used to it till i can even pretend i dunno u well. i can even put behind all the fun times we had. its like so easy. i dunno why. just like in the bandcamp. remember when i told u wad happen to von and u went all quiet. after that u like din wanna talk anymore, i din see a point in sitting beside you so i went ahead with ppg. frm dere i totally din wanna look at you. ignorance was on my mind. i think i made that clearly the rest of the night. and dun ask me why i did that.
nowadays when i answer ur missed calls, i also hesitate quite abit before deciding to call back. maybe thats because i know you'll jus say nth and all. but den i din wanna be rude so i called back. like on sat night. after i said my byebye i jus pressed the red button and threw my phone in the bag. thats about it. even the friendster message. the replies u sometimes give jus made me wonder if we're really hi-bye friends already. hahas. there is always this air of nonchalence dere. my heck care attitude towards everything to do with u is coming up. thats bad.
wad makes me upset is that everytime sth bad happens, u jus keep quiet. thats not how it goes in a friendship. really. i feel like a bitch doing all the talkin. i hate it. maybe thats why i sometimes wanna end it. its different. if you were in my shoes, i think you'll just cry. especially when you say sth like "sorry" or anything apologetic to do with me knowing you, u make it sound like you're the bad person or sth. its makes it all doubly worst cos i created most of it. the way u treat ur close bud and me is totally different. i rather you u treat me that way. at least everyone have a say cos you do speak up if sth goes wrong. i rather u diss me den try to please me.
i'm not good at telling pple my problems and i'm not good at expressing how i feel half the time. but all i know is that me meeting you was a once in a life time opportunity which i'll never in my entire life regret. hahas. for all the in depth details you gotta wait till i change and open up. but i promise that wad i think of u aint bad at all. and the impact u made in my life and the friendship we had was like woah. everything is good.
after this i dunno how our friendship will go. i dunno how things will turn out. all i know is that i'm so prepared to let go. prepared but not really willing. but if things has to be this way, den i shall first say thank you for the past yr. and wish u all the best in ur future endeavours. i'll always be dere if you need a listening ear. thats the least i can do for a friend in any way..
