+sOMetiMes i rEallY wOndEr+`
i'm really bored at home. looks like this weekend is kinda wasted. i feel like going home when i'm outside, and yet feel like going out when i'm home. i jus aint satisfied i guess. where's the contentment in me towards my own life man? jus when am i really satisfied wif wad i have and wad i get? guess that answer will be never..
i crave for materialistic and superficial things. i wan bags, shoes, clothes and money. all this are all so earthly. when i die or sth, i cant take em all wif me. wad i can only take in my heart is love, care, friendship, concern and heartfelt memories. the best of this stuff is that it doesnt need money at all. its free, u jus needa know how to look for it. ironic aint it. life aint that complex afterall. but achieving all these aint easy, pple tend to overlook them. and like others, i took all these for granted.
i really wonder wad am i brought to this world for? i feel like a bitch man. always screaming around for stuff and throwing tantrums when i cant get any. i know its wrong yet i dun change it. its instilled in me and i hate to kick my habits. its so natural.. hahas. i need a miracle to put my thoughts into action. i need a morale booster.
i guess stayin at home these few days have made me think, a hell lot man. i'm 16 yet i'm still living in my own fantasy. i wanna achieve sth yet i dun wanna put an effort into getting it. i'm like waiting for that dream to come to me itself. childish thinking on my part. and it aint the first time.
i needa grow up. though its hard but i wanna try. i dun wanna go to the adulthood stage yet cos i know i aint ready. i'm still a spoilt brat, and a very big one indeed. i hate being alone cos it makes me feel awkward. i'm not like pple who can tahan not talkin to somebody for an entire day. i need entertainment and pple around me. i need my companions and friends almost 24/7. its damn rare to see me wanna be only by myself doing sth. but pple tell me its part of adulthood. i have to grow into doing such loner stuff. guess i gotta learn, a whole lot to learn man.
so yeaps, from now i'm gonna try to wanna be wif me and only me. i aint gonna call for pple to accompany me here and dere. its so spoon-fed. i wanna be able to do things by myself and live each day without needing the dependence of someone else. i think i'll save lotsa money by doing so. hahas. minus all the smses and phonecalls plus all the get-together dinners and lunches.
actually it aint so bad. it gives u alot of reflection time. time to think back on the past and personal actions. sheesh. change is very very hard for me man. i'm trying but deres no telling whether i'll really transform. i know it requires alot of time and i dunno how long it'll take. i dun even know whether its right for me not. i need some guidance man!
after so much, i guess i'll probably stroll round the neighbourhood later. jog or sth. the weather looks pretty fine. hahas. nice end to a weekend. shall do all my homework later. hope i have the energy to complete all of em though..
kcat shot a scene on 17:43.
