+lOst aNd nOt yEt fOUnd+`
feeling super lost these few days. its like i'm practically losing it. not being able to control urself and make urself do things ur own way. not knowing wads best for u and not knowing wad to feel. plus the com's haywired and my prelims are coming. my bank account is jus a few cents from zero and i'm feeling very prone to illnesses. aint things going wrong? hahas. looking on the bright side of life was my way of dealing wif stuff. now i'm so eager to think otherwise..
my teacher said that the world's much bigger den me and my problems. hahs. it makes sense man. wads more is that the world has many other beautiful things, it even beats all my problems combine. the world also has pple much worst off den me and they are not even complaining. but here i am, feeling sorry for myself. how spoilt is that?!
pple said to think of others first, to be selfless. thats a trait which is gonna take an eternity to learn. its easy doing selfless stuff, putting pple above self. but after all that, i still dun necessarily feel good bout it. i wana do things which can make me and the others feel good. mother teresa can do it? why cant i? she's a good role model man, but too bad i still got a long way more to reach her level of goodness. that long way is probably gonna take me a lifetime.
i'm weaker in mentality already. i use to think that problems are brought into one's life bcos one made it happen. its all in the mind and i used to think that it was super easy to overcome. do it like how the happy-go-lucky pple do it, always putting a smile on their faces and never letting anything gun em down. i used to be like em, but i guess when ur problems gets overloaded, u will start to wonder am i really happy or izzit jus a fake? to me, i'd rather put a fake front to avoid any queries but den these fronts never last.
black faces are the easiest ways to show ur mood, esp the down side of em. but den its tiring tryin to be unhappy the whole day. smiling seems more natural to me at least. laughing everything off saves alot of mind-boggling issues. having fun doing ur thing gives a much immediate effect on ur mood den anything other stuff. doing wad makes u happy and doing sth u enjoy lightens u up a hell load. being in a friend's company is also good and if that friend understands u totally, you're gonna be so much comforted..
hahas. i'm crapping again. seriously sickening. my entries are getting duller by the minute. i dun care and i dun wanna give a damn. i live for myself and i do wadeva i wanna do. call me names and stuff, but dun ever think u yourself aren't one. =X
my bro came home wif a coca-cola soccer ball. looks super nice. hahas. red and all. lalalas. gonna go play wif it soon..
hMmx..
