+thOughts+`
been thinking on my bed jus now. tot of alot of stuff. read someone's blog abt the fact tt graduation is coming. reality is slapping me in the face. i'm regretting the many stuff that i've not done. the many emotions and thoughts i've not expressed. the downfall i've brought onto others. tts alot for one hour but hey, it came all like as though its natural.
tot abt the past alot. tot abt how skeptical of things i used to be. tot abt the many wrongs i've done. my life as a sec1 and 2 student. the geek frm class wif the most obnoxious attitude. being sack frm the councillor board aint a wonder. i deserve it. i'm a disgrace.
did a change in sec 3. dunno whether its for the good or bad but yeah it happened. made many bonds and friends. din regret knowing em. i only regret not spending time wif em. these friends which brought me thru thick and thin are worth my love for em, but did i show em any? hahas. doubt it.
now comes sec 4. made more bonds. realise the intensity of the situation. realised tt the clock is ticking, time is running out. it was only today tt i know tt after my prelims i need not go to sch. imagine the months i'll hafta face being alone STUDYING without my pals. yeah sure we can meet up, but how often will that be? everyone got their own commitments. guess i hafta treasure whatever tts left, but sch is a hindrance, my studies are a flop. i know i've gotta put in lotsa effort, but where's my darn motivation? gone i guess.. like my past.
i'm a bad influence. turning to be more outrageous. parents are normally pissed wif me. i dun keep to my timings, i always let em down. waddaheck. i've got a bad attitude. serious character problem. i always like to do wad i want whenever i want, and my friends are always made to oblige. its become so common tt i dun even find me doing it wrongly anymore. friends are forsaken liddat, they think tt they dun mean a thing to me. i know its bad and tt it hurts em, but hearing myself doing it unto em hurts me even more. the scar wld be dere forever, the memory of myself doing harm unto others. hahas. the bitchin and all rocks but the other party gets scandalized. i dun realised such faults until tt one lil hour on tt bed of mine.
i guess in life, love needs to be expressed so that everyone whom u love knows that u love em. no one wld be left thinking whether or not their actions and doings are beneficial to the other party. no one wld be left hanging. no one wld be left taken for granted. but all these takes lotsa time and sensitivity for it to be noticed and done. its hard, but worth the effort. sacrifices shouldnt be ignored as well. i'm willing to sacrifice my time for the lost times, i'm serious.
i lurve the people tt step into my life. i'm sorry for all the crapshit i've made and done and resulted. wad i want is not necessarily wad i wld get. i've learn tt you cant expect much in life or else you will be deeply letdown sometimes. but den others said tt if u dun aim high, you cant achieve much. guess life is all about risks. hahas. boy do i so dislike the leaving of my own comfort zone.
i'm seriously confused. i dun even know wad shit i'm writing in this stupid entry. gonna force myself to sleep. or maybe do abit of letting go before sleeping. i feel like crying and screaming but i pity the residents nearby. so for their sake, i shall shaddup and shut.
kcat shot a scene on 22:29.
