+Life's aLl bOut bEinG OnstAgE wHerE yOu'Ll tRy tO gIvE iT uR bEst fOr tHE uLtiMatE pErfOrMAnCE+`
two chapts went past today. the fun and the unhappy one. hahas.
today went wif qiu they all to the syf. super fun. screamed our voices hoarse. its like the "siao" pple really rocked can. turn the frowns to smiles. hahas, laughter is like seriously always present. teasing and stuff. if i get a sore throat tmr i wun give a damn. its worth it. the jokes and pushing and all really plays significant roles in my heart can! not tt its something big. i realised tt even the smallest stuff liddat also makes me thank God for such friends. i will miss ya'll badly after this yr man. SERIOUSLY BIG TIME!!
aiights, now for the not-so-happy part. as usual, the concert rehearsal. not a happy ending. i got a problem man. a seriously huge one even. i think i expect too much from the flute section. they played soft and all today and my face changed like shit. it was black or so i've heard. the solos and stuff were outta tune. our melodies turned out to be soft-playin backgrounds. timing and countings were all screwed. nice eh? hahas. to err is human, and i cant get it into my brain. its a mistake man, why can't i jus let it pass? though maybe its not their first but den its still a mistake la! wad an arse i am can! had a meeting wif em after tt anyway.
held them back from whatever they were intending to do or where ever they were intending to go. sorry bout tt. talked to em bout how their playin was. i think i'm unfair. i literally placed the responsibility of every disgusting sound on them. the outta tune thingy wasnt even their fault. it takes two hands to clap. bloody shit la i think it was me lor. i stil got the cheek to go say them. shameless* den when one commented tt they will cont to practise harder. i even questioned em on whether they even took the initiative to bring the flute home. i pin-pointed xuan on that. den later when i think back, i myself also never bring home anything. wif this kinda behaviour i still can expect another kinda attitude from em. seriously wishful thinking. face it, i'm a bad example. everyone was dreading whatever tts coming out from my gap. so obviously, let ya'll go in the end. din wanna say anymore. i'm ruining ur day and wasting all of ur time. u all can do it urself right? i bet you all could.
later part of the day xuan say she dun wanna go band anymore. like thanks ar i got a shock of my life. tts like the worst sentence i've heard today. i mean, i could even make until someone who initially love band to become someone who doesnt even wanna make an appearance. someone who plays darn good to wanna give up the opportunity to prove to pple wad she's capable of. felt seriously disappointed as my heart dropped can. totally speechless. nt tt i blame u or anything, but i felt responsible. i'm sorry!
the scoldings were like not necessary la. flute used to be the most slack and fun section i've ever come across. it was really good. till i start to get serious and scold. mostly redundent to all of em. guessed mr tan's comparison of the past flute section and the present one really knocked me hard in the head. wads my problem man?! i expect so much frm em though my playin aint that fantastic. my playin at their age was way worst den em and now i cant even appreciate the fact tt they will be excelling before me? i'm nuts. totally crazy and useless.
the majors used to look down on flute cos its playin is slowly degrading and the attitude of the sl dere sucks. i gave flute section the bad image. always think i'm right, fightin and quarrelling wif the majors. gave em hard hell all the time. they said i was influencing and imposing bad stuff onto my members. i gotta agree man. i'm sorry i was a bad example. it was all my fault. its always the sl's fault.
when seniors come back, their comments bout the flute section aint that fantastic either. everyone knows the past was the most perfect one. i bet they think i aint doing a good job. such a letdown. hahas. worthless la me. when i grad, the flute section is gonna be whatever i left em wif. and now that they are liddat, pple will talk. they will say kat is so lousy man. left the flute without giving them proper coaching. they are not doing any much better under her control. blahx.
forget it. screw life. i need a break. leaving is so easy for me. no more scoldings for all of em. no more black face for em to see. no more meetings for em to dread. no more expressions which can make any flautist wonder whether i'm angry or not. peace will be restored man. fun will come back.
ohya, talk to xuan jus now also. sorry i sorta hung up on u. felt really damn bad can. was close to tears. seriously i dunno why. i feel so like shit. bloody useless. think i'm responsible for alot of things. i'm the sl wad. naturally the responsibility of ya'll lies wif me. when ya'll dun perform i get the trash and rubbish. but i dun mind at times, cos i know u all can do better. or rather, tt bad part was jus a passin phase. but can ya'll at least cut me some slack. i've helped u all for close to a year coming 2. gimme sth which i can stop worryin bout please.
man. feel good after this confession. i'm lettin everything out. tears flowing as this is typed. feel real good. at least i know it comes from the heart. i dunno how i'll take things. i dunno how things will flow. all i know is that this is jus temporary. i wanna be happy, whether i like it or not. i hate the "me" now. emotional, wif tears and all. i hate it. seriously hate it!
